Shoe shopping and bra shopping are by far some of the worst kinds of shopping. Well, they mainly are for me because it is really hard for me to find either that look good, are comfortable, and reasonably priced. I had to do both today.

I went to Payless for some work shoes, so I’m not being picky. I just want something that is comfy. Yeah, no dice!

I went to Kohl’s where I usually get my bras. I usually get the Vanity Fair ones because they fit best. There was a section for “full-figured” and another section of the brand in “average size”. I looked high and low wondering where the hell the third section for “almost concave” was. Again, no dice!

I gave up my search for the day because I had to meet my friend for dinner. Afterward we went walking around the shopping center. She suggested we go in Victoria’s Secret since it looked like they had some sale stuff. I hesitated but went in. I remember a decade ago that they never carried my size (which at the time was 32A), so I hardly go in there. I haven’t bought a decent bra in five years, so after measuring myself and doing some guess work (and wishful thinking) I figured my size was now 34B. The bras I have now are 34A, 32B, 36B, 36A. Well, they are all different brands, so it’s like a crapshoot.

I picked up a 34B one in the clearance and realized it looked kind of big for me, but I held on to it anyway. I picked up a 36A one for good measure and another 34B. In the dressing room I kept thinking, ‘Oh, 34Bs, please fit. I don’t want to be demoted!’ Lo and behold, they fit perfectly. Hooray!

You know, boobs to women are a lot like penises to…women. Size matters, but we all like different sizes, and those preferences tend to be an average. Most women big and small tend to think the ideal bra size is C. Same with penises, there is such a thing as too big and too small. I would say women’s preferences tend to be within the 6-9 inch range. Of course there are women who enjoy their DD boobs and men with 18 inch penises.

It seems for most men when it comes to boobs and penises, it’s the bigger the better. But really in the end, you just appreciate what you have. Like if a woman really loves a guy, and he knows how to use it, she won’t mind his four inch dick. And if a guy is getting laid, do you really think he’ll throw someone flat-chested out of bed? Uh, no.

Also, aesthetics are important. Small and perky is better than larger and saggy. Average and dildo-like is better than porn-star size and OMGWTFISTHATANDWHYISITSTARINGATME?!

But again, some may prefer the latter. You never know. It’s better to like what you have and find someone who will like it, too.