Even though I work at a coffee shop, I don’t really drink coffee. In fact, I don’t consume caffeine or sugar. Today for some reason I decided to. One of my coworkers made a drink for us to sample, and against my better judgment, I decided to try it. It was made up of milk (don’t drink milk), syrup (don’t eat sugar), protein powder (again with the dairy), and espresso (caffeine bleh). I only took a couple of sips, but it still made me a little hyper. Then she decided a few hours later to do a coffee tasting and prepared a whole French press of coffee. One sip wouldn’t hurt. It was ok. It tasted like coffee. There was about a cupful left, and I decided it would be a great idea to drink the rest of it. Well, I just went nuts, and now I think my coworkers think I’m insane. My manager kept going, “Don’t ever give her caffeine again!”

I kind of act the same hyped up on caffeine as I do when I’m drunk except my speech doesn’t slur, but I’m just as chatty, everything cracks me up, and I’m all over the place. I’m still pretty jittery, and I had finished that coffee hours ago. Caffeine is definitely a drug…and I’m paid to dish that shit out to the masses. Nice.

Do what you have to do.

My work week is Monday through Sunday. It’s only Thursday, and I have already worked over 40 hours, and I work on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday as well. And no, my paychecks won’t be that fantastic.

I am so over my 20s. Can I be 30 already?

A talented driver is someone who can drive while eating a sandwich with one hand and smoking a cigarette in the other. A good driver is someone who wouldn’t be doing crap like that while driving. I am not a good driver.

I don’t know how it is for young people nowadays because I don’t really pay attention to things that aren’t relevant to me, but when I was growing up, the main bit of idealistic advice was to just be yourself. That didn’t really sit right with me because you have people saying just be yourself, but then you have other people (or even the same people) telling to you stop being so loud, stop being so sensitive, stop being so weak, etc. What if yourself is really a selfish spoiled brat? My mom always said to me, “Be humble.” Well, I’m not humble. Stop telling me to NOT be myself. We usually make fun of the people who really are themselves. These people are usually the friend nobody likes. Why be that person when you can be someone else? Why be yourself when you can be like everyone else and fit in?

When you try to get along with people and you censor yourself or suppress parts of your personality or hide bits of your character, aren’t you compromising yourself? How can you still be true to you when you are not fully you? Also, we sometimes criticize people for being sheep or tools, but what if copying other people and trying to fit in is part of who they are, so really they are being themselves?

They say how you behave when no one is watching is how you really are. Well, I can’t really be who I really am or else I’d be randomly flopping down in public places taking ten second breaks where I zone out thinking, ‘Soft.’ Plus, I’m way more boring (though probably more likable) when I’m by myself. It’s the Leo in me. It likes an audience. I’m more obnoxious when I’m around people, but I can’t help it, and since I can’t help it, I imagine it’s because I’m being myself.

I think how I am in my head is my true self. Who we want to be is part of who we are. It says something about us. Also, how we daydream reflects an inner nature. I daydream quite a bit, and if who I am in my daydreams is who I really am, then it would be nice if I could just be myself.

I don’t really like September. It’s too much! Too many birthdays are in September (damn you people getting it on during the holidays!), school starts (and somehow that affects everyone whether you go to school or not), the weather is all over the place, there aren’t any good holidays, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. I usually find myself caught at different crossroads during September whether it’s beginning or ending jobs, relationships, classes, life choices, whatever.

Why can’t I just take a month long siesta? This is not going to be fun. I’ll be in survival mode. Wish me luck.

My room is almost organized. Almost.

I flinch a little when someone really says, “Fuck you!” to me, but other than that I have no problem with that F word. I use it all the fucking time.

No, the word I’m talking about that I have a big problem with rhymes with maggot. When I was substitute teaching, if children said “asshole”, I didn’t give two shits, but when they said the word I hate, I threatened to send them to the office if they said it one more time. I must be scary because they didn’t say it a second time.

Whenever I hear someone say it, my blood boils and a part of my spirit dies. Yes, I’m overly sensitive and being a tad dramatic, but that’s just how I feel. Of course when British people use it when referring to cigarettes, I don’t really have a reaction. Why? The meaning is different.

It especially bothers me when people use it so casually because it shows me that they think it’s alright and have no regard for how it might offend others. I mean, do people use racial slurs casually? Maybe if you are of that race and joking around, in which case, whatever, but for all the heterosexuals who think it’s ok to call each other f*****s or refer to something as “gay”, WTF? I have one really good friend who just doesn’t get that it’s not ok or funny or insulting to say things like that. It’s just ignorant, and I repeatedly tell her to stop, but she thinks it’s harmless.

Today I called a coworker a homophobe and stormed out after he had used that word. Did I overreact? According to everyone who was there but me, probably, but I don’t really care. If everyone thinks I’m being too sensitive or have no sense of humour, fine. I’d rather be compassionate than be a funny douche bag. People can argue censorship and free speech and whatnot, but if you do something that may hurt an entire culture of people or even just one person whom you are friends with or work with or whatever, doesn’t it make more sense to just be decent? Why be a jackass just because you can?

Have I mentioned I now have at least four jobs? Yeah. Good times.

Anyway, for one of them, the direct selling independent business one, I now have a website where you can do some online shopping. If you have no idea what my business is, this might give you an idea.

E-mail me at claritysage at gmail dot com if you would like the link to my website.

A little FYI, there really is something for everyone, men, women, trannies, gay, straight, bi, virgins, sluts, singles, couples, etc. Happy shopping!

It’s never the one you want.